i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
