This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
