Ketchup is God's man juice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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