And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
