I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
