i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
