Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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