OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
