everyone is single if you try hard enough
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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