She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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