The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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