you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
