Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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