kristin has been a bad kristin
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
