That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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