ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
