I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
