You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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