Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
