What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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