Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
