You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
