she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
