I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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