I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
