I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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