i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
