He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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