is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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