All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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