My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
