it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
