Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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