There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
high people should be assigned attendants
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
