do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
