Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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