guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it glows. i had to have it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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