I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
