I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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