"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize