He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
