Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
