Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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