My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
