did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
