dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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