I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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