yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
