Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So. Much. Porn.
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