Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
