We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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