I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
