I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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