Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
