I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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