i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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