are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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