Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize