You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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