It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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