I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
