If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
