the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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