I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
