That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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