You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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