I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
