Sponge bath it is.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
