I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You made out with two different species that night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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