making cat noises will not fix the situation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
